Why is it always me?

by Donna Doyon


Do you ever feel like you are the only person who does a certain task at work or home? Do you feel like no one else refills the stapler, puts paper in the copy machine, or makes a pot of coffee? Do you feel like no one else wipes down the countertop, replaces the roll of toilet tissue or feeds the dog?



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A few days ago I grumbled, with sponge in hand, as I wiped crumbs off the kitchen counter. They had been there the previous evening. They had been there after breakfast. Finally, after dinner, I couldn't take it anymore. Why was it always me who had to wipe down the counters? Was I the one who left the crumbs on the counter? No. Did my husband and two children have broken arms that kept them from doing the job? No. Did they think I had nothing better to do than pick up after them?

My husband, Gerry, walked into the room while I quietly ranted with frustration.

"Why is it," I asked, hand poised on one hip, and the sponge serving as my pointer, always me who wipes down the counters?"

"I did it a few days ago," Gerry replied.

"Aaarggh!" I groaned, turning back to the chore. "How can you stand preparing food on a countertop that is covered in crumbs? That's so gross!"

"I wipe it down before I use it," Gerry said.

That didn't make me feel better, but I didn't say anything.

"You aren't the only one who does things around here," Gerry told me. "It may feel that way sometimes, but you aren't. And even though it seems like I am the only one who ever refills the containers for the cat and dog food, I know you and the kids do it sometimes too. And even though it feels like I spend my waking hours letting the cat in and out of the house, I know you and the kids do that too."

I finally smiled. Gerry was right, of course. The chores are split fairly evenly in our house. The children have set chores of washing those dishes that don't go in the dishwasher, emptying the trash, sweeping floors and vacuuming. Gerry and I share the rest. He starts the dishwasher each night and empties it in the morning. He wakes the kids each morning and gets them ready for school. I clean the bathrooms and kitchen.

As I rinsed the sponge and returned it to its corner of the sink, I said a silent prayer of thanks for my husband and children. I wasn't doing all the work after all. I was only doing my share.

~~~

Challenge for the week

What tasks at home or work do you feel like you are the only one who does them? Is that accurate? Can you think of times when someone else has done the task, no matter how infrequently?

Does anyone else know how to do the task? Be careful not to make assumptions on this point. It may seem obvious to you how to do the task, but someone else may not know. Using the countertop example, do you use a sponge or rag? Do you use a sponge different from the one used to clean dishes? Do you use dish soap, a disinfectant or other cleaning agent?

What tasks do others do that you don't have to do? Look around and consider the things you take for granted in your life? Coffee doesn't make itself. Automobile gas tanks don't fill themselves. Groceries don't magically appear in the refrigerator or cabinets.

How can this new perspective change the way you feel about the tasks you perform and about the people around you?

~~~

Author's Note: After reading this story, Gerry said, "Makes me want to go pick up the sponge." He did manage to restrain himself.

~~~

Copyright 2002 by Donna Doyon. All rights reserved. You are free to use material from the A Swan's Song eZine in whole or in part, as long as you include complete attribution, including live web site link. Please also notify me where the material will appear. The attribution should read:

"By Donna Doyon. Please visit Donna's web site at http://www.donnadoyon.com for additional stories and articles on improving relationships with yourself, your family and the other people in your world."





"Carefree Woman" artwork by Ann Boyajian


Ugly duckling looks at beautiful swan and wishes...